2 under 2

A regular reader of my little space here asked if having 2 kids under 2 is a recipe for trouble.. I don’t have a ready answer, to be honest..

In our case, it was totally unplanned. By some miracle and rezeki, Aidan beat the high odds. Alya was 15 months when her brother came along and she alternated between resentment, fascination, love and indifference. I don’t blame her, suddenly there was this noisy little thing who had moving parts, was constantly being carried by mummy and fussed over by everyone else. What made it harder for her was the fact that I couldn’t carry her during my pantang and K spent a week in the hospital due to dengue. I’m sure she felt like we were pushing her away in favour of Aidan, as evidenced by the crying and stomping. It broke my heart when she held her arms out to me, teary-eyed and saying “Mama..”, asking to be carried around. She didn’t want anything else and cuddles or kisses just seemed to anger her more.

As soon as her brother was born, Alya got up the courage to start walking. She was still holding on to things and people’s hands before that. She learned to say her brother’s name, singing “Dan, Dan, Dan” while perfecting her new walking skills. She’ll smooch Aidan one second and smack him the next, which doesn’t seem to faze him. She does not like sharing and often grabs any toy we place next to Aidan.

2 months on, things have settled down somewhat. What we’ve learned so far is to not make it all about the new baby. Remember that the kakak is still a baby and sometimes just wants to be treated as such. It’s not a bad thing if they want to try the baby’s pacifier or cot sometimes. Alya usually forgets about it when we offer her another distraction e.g. a book or a stuffed toy. We make sure that if one of us is busy with Aidan, the other one spends time with kakak. Or, if I’m taking care of them alone I usually spread a thick comforter on the carpet, plop them down and play with both of them at the same time.

I’m not saying it’ll be smooth sailing. There were times when I’ve broken down because Aidan is crying for his milk and Alya is screaming for attention at the same time. Like how she managed to get halfway up the staircase by herself because I assumed she was in the living room, based on the tinkling of her anklet. The fatigue and aching back because I was still up at 2am trying to stop Aidan’s crying and Alya can’t sleep because of it. It’s very taxing for your energy and financial levels, but we kinda forget about it when we’re all flopped on the carpet with kakak babbling away and adik trying to keep up with his gurgles. That’s when we feel like a family.